Find Me
by Nishinn
Summary: It's been years since the demon's defeat, and a little more since Dipper's promise had been made. It wasn't a deal, it wasn't an exchange. Dipper was going to find that demon with or without the promise, and he would. He just didn't expect to find the demon that... broken./ In which Dipper finally finds Bill after years of searching for the lost and broken demon.


**Small thing I put together for shipping needs. Billdip!**

 _ **It's been years since the demon's defeat, and a little more since Dipper's promise had been made. It wasn't a deal, it wasn't an exchange. Dipper was going to find that demon with or without the promise, and he would. He just didn't expect to find the demon that... broken.**_

 **Basically Billdip fluff and angst.**

* * *

"… _hey, Pine Tree?"_

" _Yeah…?"_

 _He saw the demon tense, if only for a second. "If I get… lost somehow…" he started, then trailed off. Yeah, he was definitely tense._

" _Yeah?" He asked, more surely this time._

 _There was doubt in his eye. His hands clenched a little too tightly on his cane. "If I get lost, would you try and find me again?"_

 _He shot the demon a quizzical look. "Bill, how could you even_ get _lost? Look, I gotta get back to the Shack. I'll-"_

" _Dipper,"_

 _The name caught him off guard. Bill_ never _called him that. Ever._

" _Will you try and find me?"_

" _I…" he eyed the demon doubtfully, looking for any sign of a trick, a joke. The shadows licking at his form weren't helping. After a while, he sighed, relenting. "Of course I would." He said, shoulders relaxing._

 _Bill's look was still doubtful, unsure. Something the demon_ never _was. But now he was, in front of Dipper. The silence was tense, almost awkward. He didn't know what to say._

" _Hey, Pine Tree?"_

" _Yeah?"_

 _Bill paused. Then he flashed his million-dollar grin. "Buy gold." He winked, then let the shadows engulf him._

…

"Aaagghhh!" Dipper groaned, tossing his ripped backpack onto his bed, soon collapsing next to it. His knee was still bleeding, the flimsy bandage he'd wrapped around it early was now slowly getting soaked through with the sticky red liquid.

Mabel stared at him, perched carefully on her own bed. "You found anything on Bi-"

" _SHHH!_ " Dipper sat up suddenly, eyes wide with warning. Mabel, of course, was the only one who knew about his search for Bill, and his… relationship with the demon. Granted, Mabel didn't fully understand what the hell had gone on between them. They weren't… dating, or anything. Not officially, as far as Dipper was concerned. And they were still kind of enemies. But… it was complex. Heck, Dipper didn't really understand either. But it was Bill. Everything was complex with that dorito.

The main concern was that only _Mabel_ knew. Meaning if word got out to their grunkles, it would mean chaos worse than Weirdmageddon.

Mabel giggled. "Right, sorry. Quiet voice." She gave him a cheeky grin, shoving her half-knitted sweater project toward the edge of the bed. She got up, took a fresh roll of gauze cloth from the nearest cabinet and tossed it to her twin, who still glared at her from the bed.

"So… did 'ya find anything?"

Dipper shook his head causing his hat to fall off and flop lazily onto the bed. "No," he mumbled, tearing off the hanging cloth from his ripped shorts to get at the wound easier. "Just ran into some stupid goblins… ugh. And the _unicorns._ " Mabel giggled, remembering her once-favorite thing in all of history turned complete assholes in her life. She hated them, true, but couldn't help but feel a slight amusement that her brother had to deal with them.

"I heard a pair talking about this 'statue in the forbidden treks'. I have a hunch it's him, but the stupid neon-rainbow horses wouldn't tell me anything. So I ended up chasing them into a goblin lair." Dipper sighed, now finished bandaging his knee-wound.

Granted, he might be complaining a lot. Sometimes he even asked himself why he was doing this, blaming the stupid dream demon for everything. But then he remembered, even if he hadn't made that promise to him, he'd try and find him anyway. He'd been at it for a little more than a year with no success. Mabel would help from time to time, sure. The closest he'd even gotten to a lead was the passing conversation with the unicorns from earlier.

"Hey, DipDop," Mabel said, plopping down at the edge of his bed. "I could come along with you tomorrow if you want. I heard Grunkle Ford's going on an expedition to the space-ship thingy again, and Stan's gonna have to help Soos with the tours tomorrow. Apparently their expecting a tourist ambush this summer."

Dipper turned to look at his sister. He grinned, rolling his eyes at her cheeky smile. "Alright, alright. Tomorrow, early." Mabel whooped, her grin spreading even wider.

" _YES!_ Dippy's finally gonna find his one true _love!"_

"Woah, woah, woah. What do you mean 'one true love'?" Dipper exclaimed, cheeks quickly reddening. "A-and how do you know we'll even find _anything_ tomorrow?"

The sweater-clad twin flashed her cunning and knowing smile, which made most people rather uncomfortable, including Dipper. "I just know."

Dipper groaned, lying back down on his bed. "Get some sleep, Mabel. Hopefully we'll get to interrogate those unicorns tomorrow…wow, I'm exhausted." He turned, kicking his muddy shoes off and tossing his ripped backpack across the room. The clanging of broken flashlight parts sounded from within the bag, muffled by the cloth.

Mabel raised an eyebrow. "It's only seven thirty," she said, making her way to the door. "I'll go get some dinner while you just go and catch-up on sweet triangle dreams." She cooed, slamming the door shut before Dipper's pillow could hit her. The teen groaned at his missed projectile, twin cackling just outside the door. With an annoyed huff, he made to pick up the dusty pillow he'd tried to throw at her.

* * *

" _Find me…."_

" _C'mon, Pine Tree…"_

Dipper woke with a start, sweat-soaked shirt clinging to his body. His hair was damp and his hat had fallen to the floor. He glanced over to see Mabel's sleeping form snoring lightly under the covers. The only sunlight filtering through the window was the rosy-pink of dawn. It was still too early.

He groaned, bringing a hand up to his forehead. He recalled what his sister had said the night before. She'd said today was going to be different. They were going to find his… ugh… 'true love' or whatever...

Well, maybe she was right. He hadn't had a dream like this since… since a year ago.

He thought it was Bill at first, the remnants of the demon's being still trying to get to him. But then he came to think of it as his own subconscious, his own _want_ to find Bill, seeping into his dreams. He knew it was wrong. But in a way… _not_ trying to find him was even more wrong.

But the dream…

He squinted down at his lap, trying to recall what had gone on in his sleep. It was gray. All gray. _Mindscape,_ he thought. That made him wonder whether it was just a dream or if he really was… in there…

It was a clearing, a very small one. Undergrowth covered every patch of land where a tree wasn't planted. And in the center of it all was the statue. It was the demon in his true form- the triangular dream-demon, eye wide open, hand outstretched, all just cold, gray stone. And… just behind the statue, stood a humanoid figure. Too blurred to be seen, nearly too dark to be distinguished.

Then came the haunting, echoing words, " _Find me… C'mon, Pine Tree…_ "

His brow furrowed. "Bill…" he murmured, quite unintentionally. He looked up again. The light filtering through the window was slowly brightening, going more orange rather than pink. Dipper thought about skipping breakfast to get an early start today, but his stomach growled in protest. Right, he'd skipped dinner last night.

"Fine, fine," he muttered to his deprived stomach. As quietly as possible, as so not to wake Mabel, he made his way across the room and out the door. The attic was still dark, the only light coming from the stain-glass window that resembled a certain triangular demon.

Dipper stared at it for a while, brows furrowed in concentration. Where could that place be? That place in his dream? If it was the mindscape, how was he even going to _get_ there?

He stayed like that for a while, until his stomach urged him on. Oh, right. He didn't have lunch _or_ breakfast yesterday either. Wait… he'd eaten literally _nothing_ the past day. Wow, okay, it was time to get breakfast.

He kicked at a crumbling cobweb by the top stair as he descended. He squinted a little, eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. Trying not to trip over mismatched floorboards, Dipper made his way to the kitchen, soon feeling for the light switch by the doorframe. He listened, too, for any sounds of mechanical whirring or clashing of metal against metal. Sometimes, if he was downstairs at about two a.m., he could still hear Ford working away on some new project- maybe an upgrade for the _Stan-O-War_. It comforted him sometimes, the presence of his great-uncles in the house.

But now it was silent. Ford must've finally gone to sleep- either from extreme exhaustion or a little force from Stan. Either way, not a single soul was awake in the Shack at the moment, aside from Dipper.

He scratched at his pajamas' waistband, making for the fridge. He found some eggs and decided to scramble them… maybe toss in a hotdog or two…

* * *

"ARE YOU READY FOR ADVENTURE?"

"Mabel, seriously?"

"I _said,_ ARE YOU READY FOR ADVENTURE?"

Dipper let out a meek chuckle, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, sure." He said, enjoying the beaming face of his sister by his side. They both hauled matching backpacks over her shoulders, Dipper clutching a thin, flimsy blue notebook in his hand.

It was one of Ford's more… informal scrawls. They were uncoordinated jot-downs and vague drawings, not really much of a journal. It was for when his great-uncle had to take down rapid notes before setting them into the journals. He had the notebook now instead of the journals since… well, Bill burned the journals to ashes a couple of years ago.

Dipper glanced back at the shack, where a tourist bus was already parking close by. Soos stood at the ready, classic Mystery-Man smile already intact. Stan hung by the door, watching the tourists stream out like a hawk.

"Yeesh," Dipper winced. "Tourists already? At eight a.m.?"

Mabel shrugged, skipping ahead as they made their way into the woods. "Told you today was gonna be a handful!" she sang, her backpack bouncing untimely by her shoulders. "So where do we head first?" she asked, slowing her pace a bit. "Unicorns?"

"Unicorns." Dipper confirmed. "They're the closest I've gotten to a lead and I am going to strangle them for answers if I have to."

" _Or_ you could let me do the threatening." Mable suggested, pulling out her grappling hook and pretend-firing it at a nearby boulder. Dipper laughed. "Alright, as long as you don't end up killing them." He said as his sister blew a raspberry at him.

"Gross!" Dipper laughed, wiping away at the saliva that had gathered on his arm. Mabel grinned cheekily at him as she tucked her grappling hook back in her purple sweater, which currently held the design of cat paws on the front.

"Let's go find Bill." She said, dragging her brother by the arm.

* * *

" _Where is it?!"_

They had the multi-colored horse cornered against a sheer cliff face. It's over-dilated eyes grew even wider with fear.

 _Get away from me, human!_ The unicorn screamed without moving its lips (did they even have lips?). Its voice unnervingly high-pitched.

"Talk and we'll let you go." Dipper said calmly, notebook out and open in front of him. Mabel stood behind him, a hand-held laser gun (via Ford's Lab) pointed at the magical bastard. Dipper had identified it as the same unicorn hat had kicked him in the gut after leading him into the goblins' den.

The unicorn scowled. _I'll never talk for the likes of you!_

"Last chance, man. If you don't tell us now, Mabel's taking over." Dipper tried to urge as much genuine concern into his tone, which wasn't all that hard. For all he knew the horse could end up with more than just broken legs with Mabel. And she had more reason for rage since it had hurt her brother.

The unicorn whined in a frustrated manner, an obvious _no._

Dipper sighed, tipping his hat up and stepping back. "He's all yours."

After five minutes of threatening, laser-singed unicorn hair and intense screaming and battle cries, the mutant horse finally relented. It whined for mercy, constantly checking its tail to make sure the unsinged part stayed unsinged.

 _Alright, alright! I'll talk!_

Mable stepped back, a satisfied grin set on her face. She blew on the smoking tip of her laser gun before tucking it in her backpack.

"Well?" Dipper urged. He held his pen just above the notebook, ready for listing down anything they might forget.

 _So, like, the other day Sunspottercut and I were simply prancing around, enjoying unicorn life,_ it started. Dipper vaguely remembered the caramel-colored unicorn this one was with the day before. Sunspottercut. _And we saw this weird statue thing in a really small clearing with the grass and flowers and junk. It had like, a top hat and was like, a triangle with a hand. It was half-buried in the grass and there was a-_ it squinted. – _a presence._

"Presence?" Dipper perked up.

 _Well, you see human, we unicorns, unlike your average, anomaly-denying selves, can sense strange presences or forces! We're magical and fashionable! And there was this… energy connected to the statue. It was weird. It was faint and broken, but really creepy all the same, so we backed out._ It turned its head. Checking on its tail again. _Not like you'd have the strength to even get there._

"Where is it? How do we get there?" Mabel urged the cornered horse. It pointed its glowing white horn to the west, indicating a trail of flattened undergrowth, hoof tracks being the cause. It was hidden just behind two large tree trunks.

 _That's where we've been, and we're not going back._

The twins stared. Seeing the two humans distracted, the distressed unicorn bolted away past Mabel and pranced downhill, laughing in its high-pitched whine of victory.

"Let him go." Dipper sighed, although Mable made no move to go after it. Instead, the two moved to take a closer look at the trail. It was quite obvious where the grass was flattened, but looking ahead, all they saw were shadows past all the tree trunks and bushes. Up ahead, the forest seemed a little darker, a little more menacing. There was an energy of foreboding, but it seemed to draw them in at the same time.

Dipper shivered, trying to ignore the goosebumps forming on his skin. "Should… should we go?" he asked aloud, mostly just to hear a reply from his sister. She shot him a sideways glance. "Well, you've come this far," she adjusted the straps of her backpack on her shoulders, shifting a little from foot to foot.

The pair was silent for a decent amount of time. How couldn't've Dipper seen this obvious darkness before? Then Mabel took in a breath and pushed her shoulders back, assuming a look of confidence. "Welp," she said with a pop. "Looks like it's time to find Bill!"

Dipper breathed in as well, though not as confident. "Al…alright." He said, voice wavering for a moment. He looked ahead, trying to see past the darkness. Then he surged forward.

* * *

 _Bill._

 _Bill Cipher._

He was going to find _Bill Freaking Cipher,_ the demon who almost murdered his entire family. He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be _worried_ about the demonic dorrito. In fact, he had every reason to hate him. He should've deserved his fate, body turned to stone and soul broken into pieces. He just…shouldn't… _care._

But he did care. He cared about him too much. And Bill… well, apparently, the demon cared about him too.

Growing up, Dipper never felt as special. Mabel had always claimed the spotlight, and that was okay with him. It never bothered him anyway. But he'd always had to share things… their parents' love and concern, their room, their lunches, their birthday… and that was all okay with him. He'd never held anything against that.

But with that fact, having something of his own, something truly special that was unique to him, was a rarity. The journal was one thing. It was something Mabel didn't have or want. It came to him. But… well, it was gone now anyway.

Half-way through their first summer in Gravity Falls, he'd gotten his visits from the demon. At first it was just tricks and games, possessing his body and destroying a puppet show… blah, blah, blah…

Then, he'd had a human form. He showed him his human form and eventually… well, Dipper never meant to have a personal demon best friend/ mortal enemy. He'd have dreams filled with terror and bloodshed, he'd wake up screaming in cold sweat. All because of the demon. But sometimes he'd just be… there, with Bill. Be it a dark forest, a bench in a park, above a skyscraper, or just the regular grey-Mystery Shack mindscape setting.

Bill was there. And he'd talk to him. Sure some comments were… unsettlingly gruesome, but Dipper had gotten used to them. Sometimes they were even funny. Other times, Dipper would simply sit there in silence, staring at whatever horizons his mind had conjured up. He didn't even need to look up to know Bill was there, sitting beside him and gazing along. And when he did look up, he'd find him either staring into nothingness or looking directly at him.

Sometimes the demon seemed like two people to Dipper- one in the waking world, snarky, annoying, bent on the death of his family; one he should get rid of. The other was the one in his dreams, usually silent, charming and witty. Sure he was still sarcastic and sadistic as hell, but he seemed more… there, on his side, although he knew he really wasn't.

The last time he'd seen Bill without him trying to end his family, it was in the woods, in real life, in his human form. Dipper wasn't sure whether it was in the mindscape or not- the area had been darker and more indistinguishable than usual. Bill had asked him an unexpected question, and Dipper had made an unexpected promise.

And here he was, with an aching feeling that he just might complete that promise.

The forest was quieter; the birds' singing had faded, the whines of distant creatures inhabiting the forest were now nonexistent, the howling wind ceased its constant rustling of the leaves. The only sound Dipper could hear was his own labored breathing. He felt the grass scratching at his legs as he marched through them, following the invisible path bordered only by shadowy tree trunks.

His hand brushed against his sister's sweater-sleeve, a reminder that she was still there, that he had someone to go through with this.

"Dipper?" He jumped at the sound of Mabel's voice. It was so quiet in the forest, on the path they followed, that the slightest sounds were magnified in his ears.

"Dipper?" She asked again, her fingers tugging lightly on his sleeve. As he glanced over, Dipper found her half-covered in shadow, the outlines of the trees behind her barely making an impression. "Dip, is it just me, or is it getting all mindscape-y around here?" her voice quivered.

Now, that she mentioned it, the shadows _did_ make her look black and white, maybe even a little grey-ish. Looking around again, the trees seemed more…well, grey, and the ground less green-clad.

Before Dipper could answer, however, the twins found themselves out of the trees and at the edge of a clearing. The sky above was grey and dull, and the surrounding forest was no exception. They'd walked into the mindscape somehow, they'd found what they were looking for.

Blood rushed through his frozen limbs as he spotted the statue in the middle of the clearing, buried half-way under, top hat on his head and arm stretched out for a hand-shake.

"Bill," Dipper breathed, his heart racing. It was him. He was really there. That was… oh god. How did he not notice that before?

The silhouette of a man, sitting at the edge of the top-hat's brim, back partially turned towards them. He had his head turned up to the tree tops, eyes closed and toothy grin just visible from where the twins stood. He seemed at ease, relaxed, completely and utterly fine.

But he was grey and dull, just like the sky above them. His suit wasn't the prominent yellow it was before, his hair wasn't its old golden-blond, and his smile had lost its once rather attractive gleam.

But it was him. It was Bill Cipher, waiting for him.

" _e,"_

Dipper shivered as he felt his heart race at the voice. He sounded broken, distorted… but wasn't that how he always was? No, he never sounded that… mellow.

His form moved, tilting his head to look at the twins. The other half of his face, where another eye was supposed to be, was covered in shadow. The only color held in his form was the pale, golden hue of his one eye staring icily at Dipper.

"You came back." His lips moved; he was speaking. He could speak. He was there, in front of him. That meant he wasn't dead, right?

Dipper took in a sharp breath, trying to stop his nerves from overloading at the sight of Bill. He still looked _extremely_ good looking even after…

Nope. He wasn't going to dwell on that. _Nope._

"Heh, it's funny," the demon continued, completely unfazed by the lack of response he was receiving. "I thought you'd given up on me."

The words startled Dipper. He had… he had searched for _two years._ Looking for a very specific (and presumably dead) demon in the endless woods of Gravity Falls was harder than is sounded. And Bill had thought he'd _given up?_

So… he was that isolated, huh? The demon didn't even have the power to spy on him anymore.

"No," was all Dipper managed to choke out, his voice but a faint whisper. He could feel Mabel's gaze on him: _say something, you dunderhead._

Bill hopped off from his perch on the statue, now facing fully towards the twins. His body was grey as the mindscape surrounding him, with the exception of the single golden eye that gleamed beneath his grey locks. He stood proud, head held high, his body posture never giving away the broken smile on his face.

"Oh, really?" was the snarky reply. "Last I saw you said you _hated_ me. You were glad when your… grunkles… finally defeated me, weren't you? I don't think you even cared."

Shame welled up in Dipper. He knew it was a lie. He cared. He cared _too_ much, in fact, when he really shouldn't. He couldn't help the way wanted to help Bill, make sure he was okay somehow… well, he'd only gotten the chance now, and he saw that the demon, was in fact, not _okay._

"N-no," Dipper repeated, daring a step forward. "I-I cared. I still do…" He didn't know what to say. What could he say? He was here now, but come to think of it, he never really planned for what happened after. Ha ha. Dipper Pines, adventurer extraordinaire, forgot to plan for what happened after. What a joke.

Well, he didn't have anything planned to say, so he decided on the next best thing- the truth.

"I-I looked for you, Bill," Dipper started. "Two years and… well, I finally found you…I never thought it would take me t-that long but…I…I…" he breathed, blinking hard at an attempt to keep back the tears threatening to fall. "I n-never forgot that promise… how could I?" he tried for a pathetic smile, only to see it mirrored in the demon's own expression.

The demon to three swift steps forward, enough to stand a foot away from Dipper. His breathing hitched. He was so close…

Gloved fingers ran down his cheek in a soft caress. Dipper could feel his breathing, as soft and gentle as his touch. "Thank you," Bill murmured quietly, his golden eye not meeting his.

Silence reigned for a few heartbeats. Everything was still, nothing seemed to move but the fingers that lingered on the boy's check. He registered, once again, how close the demon was. How broken. How… empty.

"Bill," Dipper breathed, effortlessly drawing the demon's attention. The golden eye looked up and met they boy's gaze, now more confident than it was a just few seconds ago.

"I…I finally found you,"

Bill smiled- softer, less broken, more sincere. "Funny, I found you _long_ ago."

Dipper jolted as the demon tilted his head slightly, his fingers moving to nudge Dipper's own. He held his eyes shut as he felt Bill's lips on his, gloved hand holding him in place for that moment. Warmth rushed through the boy, the anxiety that had been going through him since the previous day suddenly washed away by the kiss. His thoughts and worries went down the drain, replaced only by relief and warmth and… well, Bill.

Bill was there. Bill was _with him_ again. He'd finally found him. And he was _kissing_ him. Out of everything that could have happened today, Dipper counted this as the best, albeit unexpected outcome.

And yet, it ended anyway.

Bill drew back, his face now mere inches from Dipper. The boy's eyes fluttered open, staring wide-eyed at the demon who looked down at him with an uncharacteristically soft gaze.

"Wow," breathed Dipper, feeling the heat rush across his face as he tried to ignore Mabel's muffled squealing behind him. He'd kissed Bill. _He. Had. Kissed. Bill._

The demon chuckled, pulling back entirely, his hand retracting to his side. "Th-thanks, Pine Tree," he said, looking at him. "Thanks for finding me again."

"Come back with us," Dipper blurted suddenly. He didn't know how they could deal with a broken demon living with them, especially with Stan and Ford out for blood. How could he explain Bill to anyone? They could always pretend he was… some other random human. But he knew that the truth would come out sooner or later, and they'd all have to confront the situation.

But Dipper had _finally_ found Bill, and he wasn't about to lose him again.

"I can't, Kid." Bill sighed, his shoulders slumping.

"Why not?" Mabel perked up behind Dipper, moving closer to the two. "You don't have to _live_ with us. We could get you an apartment or something down the street and-"

"It's not the simple," Bill cut in, his voice loud and distorted in the silent mindscape. "I'm…" he let out a small breath and turned towards the statue behind him, the last remnant of his physical form. "This is the spot where I apparently 'died'. I'm tied here now, to this statue, doomed to suffer the horrible feeling of _emptiness._ The emptiness of not having my powers. Doomed here until I get them back somehow. But…" he trailed off, and then let out an unexpected chuckle laced with pure bitterness. "I know that's never happening."

Dipper felt his heart twist at the bitterness in the demon's laugh. He was suffering, and he could do nothing about it. Well, with all the havoc he'd caused, he probably did deserve to suffer. But Dipper didn't… want him to. He just wanted Bill fine and okay and next to him.

Instead, Bill was in a situation of the complete opposite.

"And even if I _did_ manage to get my powers somehow," the demon continued. "I can't exactly guarantee I'll use them for good _or_ keep them. Heh," the demon laughed bitterly. "What can I say? I'm insane as it is. Besides, old Sixer can and _will_ find out if I ever come back. So it's pointless, kid," he sighed again, staring up into the colorless treetops. "I can't be with you, Dipper. I-I can't…" he hesitated, glaring at the grass between his feet. "I can't love you the way I want to."

* * *

 **Tra la la la la.**

 **What should I do with my life?**

 **Tra la la.**

 **Ahem, anyway, tell me what you think, leave a review, tell me if I should add another thingie after this! Thanks for reading! I'd probably stop here if I somehow get the idea that its good enough with this. If I or anyone is uncontented, I'll add another chappie.**

 **~Nish**


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